What Do Your Characters Do with Heartbreak?

Heartbreak is one of the most painful privileges of being human. What a gift to be able to care so deeply that we are left broken by the people, places, and things that we love.

A broken heart manifests itself in many different ways, and it can show up for a hundred different reasons. A writer may clinically observe the suffering of others, taking note of the cause-and-effect stories that are constantly unspooling on every side. There are countless reasons behind heartbreak: death, isolation, rejection, illness, purposelessness, broken dreams, fear… The list goes on and on and on.

One of the reasons stories are so powerful is because they offer us a mirror. There is a sweet relief that comes when we see a piece of ourselves in a character on the page or screen. We want to see how that character deals with the struggles we ourselves endure.

“There is a sweet relief that comes when we see a piece of ourselves in a character on the page or screen. ”

The world is full of suffering. As writers, we would be remiss not to use the suffering we see as an opportunity to reflect on the wonderful complexity of being human. People handle pain in so many different ways. Our response to suffering is determined by any number of factors, and although there are similarities from one person to another, I rather think that our response to heartbreak is as unique as our DNA. We may have a combination of the same basic components, but they are put together differently every time.

Conflict is central to any good story. The best stories go beyond the surface-level problems and show us a glimpse of a character’s heart. What is breaking them apart inside? What is causing them agony or fear or dilemma? And more importantly, what are they doing about it?

This is the mirror many of us look for when we read. We want to find a character who understands how hard it is to be human and is doing their best to sort it out. We are on high alert for those who understand a bit of what we are going through. In the end, we are searching for a character who makes us feel seen.

“ In the end, we are searching for a character who makes us feel seen.”

This, of course, is only a piece of what makes effective characters. Relatability is significant, but we may also look for characters whom we can learn from: people we want to emulate – or sometimes people we strongly don’t want to emulate and thus find fascinating.

Back to the idea of heartbreak and suffering. I am going to offer a few simple ideas of how characters might respond in different ways to difficult situations. Your job, as the discoverer of your own unique story, is to learn what makes your characters tick – and consequently, what they will do when they run up against real suffering.

Note: It’s okay to learn what your characters will do AS you are writing the story. If you plan out all their reactions ahead of time, there is a really solid chance your story will become stilted and “untrue”. It’s okay to throw something at your characters and watch what happens. It is a wonderfully exciting and satisfying feeling when your character shows up and surprises you at your writing desk. “Oh snap, THIS is what he wants to do?? I can’t believe he would pull a stunt like that!” Or, “Ohhhh, of course she’s doing this. I should have seen that coming.” Your characters need to be real people, and real people are un-freaking-predictable. It’s exciting to discover their hidden motivations and realize that under it all is usually someone who is desperate for something basic and entirely relatable (i.e. to be loved, to be seen, to be enjoyed, to be safe, etc. etc.).

Here are a few ideas to get you thinking about your own characters:

1)     There is a good chance your character will hide their heartbreak – or at least, they will hide the full extent of it. How do I know this? Because real people do this ALL THE TIME. Unless your character is the most trusting, honest, heart-on-his-sleeve fellow, he will not show his entire pain. Rather, he will elicit symptoms of his suffering. Your job is to figure out what those symptoms are. If your character IS ever completely honest about his pain, it will likely be with someone he trusts implicitly. Does your character have someone like that? Consider: if your character does not have anyone they can trust fully, this is – in a way – its own form of suffering and is a part of your character’s journey, whether you meant it to be or not.

2)     Your character will have coping mechanisms. We all do. A good place to start with this one is identifying your own coping mechanisms. When poop hits the fan, what do you do to try to stay sane and functionable? Do you distract yourself? Do you eat? Shop? Phone a trusted friend? Do you lie in bed and let yourself ignore the world for a while? Do you take long walks? Do you get introspective, perhaps turning to a creative outlet like art or music to express yourself? Are there addictions or vices that become harder to resist when you are suffering?

Those are only a few ideas – there are many more. Keep in mind, some coping mechanisms are healthier than others. It is helpful to figure out what your character falls back on when she is having a difficult time. This will help propel the story forward.

3)     Does your character have a sad spot? A place where they feel marginally safer than anywhere else, where they can process their grief? Maybe they don’t, but I would suggest this could be a powerful tool or setting to draw on.

4)     Does your characters’ heartbreak cause them to become a better or worse version of themselves? It might be both, depending on the moment, or it might depend on the character you are working with. Peter Parker becomes a better person through his suffering: he cracks jokes, stays humble, and learns to act selflessly. His best friend, Harry Osborn, deals with his suffering through anger – and in the original comics – substance abuse. It is helpful to realize that suffering might cause your characters to begin reacting instead of responding (acting on impulse instead of thinking things through). They might do things that don’t line up with their typical way of behaving. They might say things they don’t really mean.

A lot of us have acted in ways we regret when dealing with suffering. It’s important to note, however, that suffering can also make us better. It gives us an opportunity to grow. This is the cornerstone of the main theme in many stories.

These are just a few thoughts to get you started. Suffering and heartbreak are central to any good story, and they merit your attention as a writer. Your characters are the life force of your story. Observe their heartbreak, discover how they respond to their suffering, and you will find the heart of the story you are trying to tell.